Morris Minor Owners Club

I spent a chunk of today refitting the carpets in my ‘61, out since some welding and waxoyl a few years ago. Squatting inside on a hot day it wasn’t pleasant and although its not exactly difficult the little fiddly screws are time consuming and frustrating. Why is this? Was it make-work for the local unemployed? It must have made assembly very time consuming and expensive. Or maybe....Screws


‘And how do you propose to secure the ashtray Mr Issigonis?’

‘Two screws sir.’

‘That’s not nearly enough for that job, make it four. And how about the gear lever boot?’

‘I was thinking four screws sir.’

‘Better make it six to be on the safe side. Don’t want the damn thing falling off, you know what the Americans are like with their litigation. How about these door kick plates?’

‘Two screws each end, top and bottom?’

‘Good God man, have you taken leave of your senses? Supposing it came off and hit a child! What does it weigh?

‘Less than 200 grammes sir’

‘Harumph’

‘I mean a quarter of a pound sir’

‘And what stress is it under?’

‘None sir it’s just a cover.’

‘Right then, I want five quarter screws with nuts along the bottom edge and five self tappers along the top. That’ll do the trick!’

‘Very good sir.’

(Morris goes away)

‘Silly old bugger, we’ll just put three along the top’.

Won't fall off though!

Alan

ianmack wrote: ↑Sat Jul 14, 2018 8:48 pm I spent a chunk of today Squatting inside on a hot day it wasn’t pleasant and although its not exactly difficult the little fiddly screws are time consuming and frustrating. Why is this?

Haha, You should try taking the entire back half of a Traveller to pieces and putting it back together again. THEN you'll know about "lots of tiny screws" etc etc

Actually I have replaced the wood on a Traveller so it’s not my first encounter with the tiny screw school of engineering. I guess the difference is that you expect the wood to be a serious project so start mentally prepared whereas fitting carpets seems like it should be a quick and simple job. Also as I recall the wood frame is not excessively built for its structural function, unlike the interior fittings.

Removing the Traveller frame was no trouble at all. Most of it came off in my hands!

Later that day,

‘One day sir we might develop ashtrays and the like with little plastic lugs so they just clip into place.’

‘Don’t be absurd man, I’ve just bought the company that makes all these screws.’

‘But with the right grade of plastic when the car is out of guarantee they’ll become brittle and if anyone tries to remove them they'll break off. Then we can sell them new ones.’

‘Ha ha, yes and one day cars will be able to navigate themselves using satellites I suppose. I like your imagination Mr Issigonis but I think you should stick to engineering and leave the business to me.’

even later .... '10" wheels, Issigonis! What are you thinking ?

even later .... '10" wheels, Issigonis! Transverse engine ? What are you thinking ?

‘The engine’s in sideways.... it’s not April the first.... Have you lot been to the pub again?’


The motor industry provides endless material. I’m tempted to do a dialogue on the front end of the Reliant Robin.

‘And this is a safety feature you say, are you sure this will improve cornering?’

‘No sir, on the contrary it will topple over at the drop of a hat. Owners will soon learn to go round corners very, very slowly.’