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Moggie jokes - if you don't know any, make one up!

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:48 pm
by Mick_Anik
So this Moggie spends a morning having a modified head fitted. On the way back home he decides he deserves a drink.
Ignoring the "No Minors" sign, he pulls into a bar and order a pint of flat bitter.
"Why flat?", asks the barman, surprised.
"I only drink unheaded now".

Sorry!

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 4:48 pm
by iandromiskin
:P

Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:49 pm
by Mick_Anik
Nice sunny day, and the vicar is off to the shops in his Moggie with the Parish Church Council treasurer.
Suddenly, a sports car pulls out from nowhere and forces the vicar to brake hard. Not a word from his lips.
Then, a truck zooms past and cuts in sharply, and again the vicar has to brake. Not a word.
A cyclist pulls out unexpectedly into the middle of the road, and the vicar has to swerve to avoid hitting him. Silence.
Finally, a Morris Minor makes a surprise right turn with no signal, and the vicar has a hard time avoiding an accident. Words of abuse stream from his mouth, shocking the PCC treasurer.
"Why are you only upset with the Morris driver?" she asks.
"He didn't wave back!" replies the vicar.

Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:17 pm
by MarkyB
It's the 50's, Bob Hill and his new wife Betty, were taking a holiday in Europe ... As it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rented Morris Minor, along a rather deserted road. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skidded out of control! Bob attempted to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerved and smashed into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door.

Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor, come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor, I am a scientist... However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory"

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hill’s deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the stairs to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano, for it is here, that he has always found solace. He begins to play and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music... Stunned, he watches as Bob's begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts to his master, "Master, Master! The Hills are alive, with the sound of music!" :)