Got it back together where i thought was the correct position - it stayed shut for a whole mile

Anyway back to the drawing board - and found a fix that works.
On the drivers door undid completely the screw nearest the interior of the car, slackened the outer one a couple of turns.
found the ideal thing - some rubber backed slightly conical (so they compress) washers from some tec screw fixings i found lying about. Just one of those seemed the perfect thickness - maybe 3/16 - sandwiched between the door pillar and the plate with the screw going through the washer hole.
Anyhow it really works so thought i'd share, no more slamming the door (good job too as thought it was going to disintegrate some day).
Got quite a few of them if anyone wants to try, it was getting darned annoying
