Morris Minor Owners Club

What do you do if a bird cr@ps on your windscreen ?



Don't ask her out again !

Heard any good car jokes lately? I’m not talking something you’d hear in a bar that involves rear-entry or putting things up the tail pipe. I’m talking good, family-oriented car humor. Here is one of the best car jokes around. This joke about cars are of two kinds, some with set-up time and others that are simply one-liners.

A car is traveling so slowly down the highway that it attracts the attention of a State Trooper. The officer pulls the slow poke over.

“What have I done wrong, officer?” asks the driver.

“You are going 26 mph on a major highway. There is a law against that,” said the officer. “You must go at least 50 mph.”

“But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!”

“Sir, you’re driving on Interstate 26. That isn’t the speed limit!”

The officer notices a woman in the passenger seat whose face is as pale as a ghost.

“What happened to her?” he asks.

“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.”

More car jokes here: The best car jokes that are SFW (Pt. 1)

Did you hear about the cargo plane carrying Datsun parts? The hold came open and it started raining Datsun cogs!





A police officer pulls a man over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Sergeant. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Seargent approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Sergeant: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Here it is.

Sergeant: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine. Here's the registration.

Sergeant: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sergeant: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Sergeant: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Driver: Yeah, I bet he told you I was speeding, too!

So I gather, the marketing people claim that one Mrs Beckham helped to design the Range Rover Evoque. I think that has to be a joke!!

If it makes you laugh, then it's a joke! ------ that one passed the test.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, He says he can stop anytime

I remember the one about the flrty husband and the paranoid wife, The husband is crossing the road and starts looking at a blond driving by in a convertable as she goes by he get hit by her car and end up lying in the road, his wife runs up and asks "are you ok?", He says "yes its ok i managed to take her number" and his wife says "don't you ever stop chasing women"

This isn't a joke, more of a humorous story that I saw on Quora and thought I would share. Not my story at all.



My favorite happened to a friend when the officer himself came up with the excuse, and let him go!

Context is key, so you need to know that this friend, named Bob, was an airline pilot who held an ATP (Airline Transport Pilot license). He also was a semi-professional drag racer who held an NHRA license. And, of course, a regular state driver's license.

Bob got pulled over for speeding and a nice gentleman of an officer—who was clearly close to retirement age—walked up to the window and said, "You were going pretty fast back there. I need to see your driver's license, your race driver license, and your jet pilot license."

Bob was horrified that the cop had all that info on him. He worried about consequences to his professional and semi-professional careers. He dug through his wallet and finally said to the cop, "Well, here's my jet pilot license. Here's my race driver license. And here's my driver's license."

The cop stared at all three for a bit then started laughing. "I've been pulling people over for decades and, to break the tension, I always ask them for their jet pilot license, race driver license, and driver's license. When they can only pull out a driver's license, I then say, 'Well, that's too bad, because to drive that fast you need all three of those licenses, so I'm going to have to give you ticket. If you had all three I could let you go.'"

"I can’t use that line on you because you're the first person who has ever had all three. So to be true to myself I'm going to let you go."

A lady is driving her car along the road when it sputters to a halt. She phones the garage and after a few minutes the mechanic has the car running smoothly. What was the trouble the lady asked so that if it happens again I can fix it myself. Oh just sh-t in the carburettor the mechanic says. Oh dear says the lady I don't think I could do that.