fault finding chart - drinkers

[delwin]

After you've had enough of Lucas electrics...
Something light hearted (taken from another club magazine)

Symptom - Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste. Shirt front wet
Fault - Mouth not open while drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face
Action - Buy another pint and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as necessary until technique is perfect

Symptom - Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste. Beer unusually pale and clear
Fault - Glass empty
Action - Find someone who will buy you a pint

Symptom - Feet cold and wet
Fault - Glass being help at incorrect angle
Action - Turn glass so that open end points at ceiling

Symptom - Feet warm and wet
Fault - Incorrect bladder control
Action - Go and stand next to the nearest dog, after a while complain to the owner about it's lack of house training. Demand a pint as compensation

Symptom - Bar Blurred
Fault - You are looking thru the bottom of your empty glass
Action - Find someone who will buy you a pint

Symptom - Bar swaying
Fault - Air turbulance unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress
Action - Insert broomhandle down back of jacket

Symptom - Bar moving
Fault - You are being carried out
Action - Find out if you're being taken to another pub if not complain loudly that youre being hi-jacked

Symptom - You notice that the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles and has a flourescent light across it
Fault - You have fallen over backwards
Action - If your glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stand up. If not get someone to help you up and lash you to the bar

Symptom - Everything has gone dim, you have a mouthful of broken teeth
Fault - you have fallen over forwards
Action - If your glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stand up. If not get someone to help you up and lash you to the bar

Symptom - Everything has gone dark
Fault - The pub is closing
Action - Panic

[irmscher]

Must have been the Volkswagen mag you have to be inebriated to sit in one