Loss of Loved one Update

[nigelr2000]

Sorry to be a downer but....

My partner was admitted to hospital xmas eve and now we have had the chat in the little room with the consultant about end of life treatment.

Anyone on here been through it before ?

Any tips on handling it appreciated

I am devastated and just walking round in a dream and really dont know what to do next.

If this is not a suitable subject feel free to delete it mods, its just I dont know where to turn and this forum has always been good to me.

[bmcecosse]

Really sorry to hear this Nigel. I have been through it with parents - and it is a desperate business. Hopefully you can get good family support. I'm not at all religious - but it does provide some comfort for many. Roy

[irmscher]

thinking of you both at this very sad time lee

[Jefftav]

Like the others I am really sorry to hear of your predicament. Either through your GP surgery or the hospital you should be offred some support/counselling and for some it can help and like BMC said if you have any family to support you then take advantage of this.

Both your minds will be in tatters but the sun does rise again - eventually and unfortunately you just have to be brave facing things and taking each day as it comes.

Take care and our thoughts are with you

[bmcecosse]

I haven't read this book myself - but I notice a reference to it in a newspaper today in circumstances similar to your own.
"In the Midst of Life" by Jennifer Worth ......... It may help you come to terms with what's happened.

[Plin]

Nigelr you usually post lovely, happy, fun posts - of course you should share the burden that has just knocked the wind out of your sails.

I too only have parents that went through this surreal and unpleasant sort of time.

I don't unfortunately have any nuggets of wisdom or ideas to help alleviate the pain you are both struggling with, but as others have said - do take all the help and support offered.

As I am one of those who does find strength in my faith I will keep you in my prayers.

Don't forget to look after yourself; running about caring for others is tiring physically and mentally. Regards Plin

[d_harris]

I cant offer any advice, but my thoughts and sympathies are with you.

[nigelr2000]

Heres an update for anyone wondering

Pam was tranferred to the local cottage hospital on friday and has gone from being in and out of conciousness to being sat in a chair when we visited today !! They still say that she is going to die but she seems to be fighting it well as they gave her 48 hours last thurday.

The nursing staff in this hospital are really nice, nothing is too much trouble and even the food is miles better unllike the N & N which has possibly the worst food I have ever tasted , it amazes me how they get away with it. How can people be expected to get better when they are not eating, Pam didn't eat for 4 days and yet has finished every meal offered here perhaps thats why her condition appears to be improving.

[bmcecosse]

Best wishes for a good outcome - thanks for coming back with the update.

[Plin]

As bmcecosse says, thanks for the update - especially as I expect you are still coming to terms with the news and no doubt finding all the rushing about very draining. You are both still very much in our thoughts (and prayers). Plin

[fussyoldfart]

Heres an update for anyone wondering

Pam was tranferred to the local cottage hospital on friday and has gone from being in and out of conciousness to being sat in a chair when we visited today !! They still say that she is going to die but she seems to be fighting it well as they gave her 48 hours last thurday.

The nursing staff in this hospital are really nice, nothing is too much trouble and even the food is miles better unllike the N & N which has possibly the worst food I have ever tasted , it amazes me how they get away with it. How can people be expected to get better when they are not eating, Pam didn't eat for 4 days and yet has finished every meal offered here perhaps thats why her condition appears to be improving.

Hello Nigel,
It's good to hear that Pat is feeling better, whatever the prognosis. I have been in your position, twice unfortunately, and a book that remains on my shelves even after 24 years is one of the most comforting I can recall. Find a copy of "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran and read it together or read it aloud. It is also available in audio format, some great artists have voiced it, Richard Harris is the one I remember best.

Darrell McDonald

[dp]

I'm so sorry, my thoughts and sympathies are with you both. I've been through this with my mum. As someone said above, it's a surreal time. You may run through a wide variety of emotions and this is normal too. Don't be hard on yourself or neglect yourself and keep us updated if you want.

[bluemoggie1970]

Nigel, I don't know what to say. Other than I'm so sorry. I do have some reading material that I know will be of some comfort. Perhaps I can post it to you if you could PM your address to me.

Look after yourself.

Luke

[nigelr2000]

Hi People. Sorry to report Pam lost her fight this afternoon and died peacefully at home at 15:45 in my arms.
I am going to miss her but on the other hand at least I got nearly another 3 months with her since her diagnosis.

[RobMoore]

Sorry for you loss Nigel, my thoughts are with you at this time.

[Dean]

Please accept my sincere condolences Nigel. My thoughts are with you during this time, I hope you have many happy memories when you were together to treasure.

[DaisyMayFozz]

Very,Very, Very sorry to hear this, My thoughts are with you.

[bmcecosse]

Oh dear Nigel - very sorry to hear that. I hope being able to share with us has helped you get through this dreadful experience.

[Plin]

NIgel thank you for sharing your painful news. I had wondered how things were progressing but didn't like to ask. It was indeed a positive thing that your dear Pam was able to be with you for a couple of months beyond the original bombshell diagnosis, and you must take some of the credit for that as I am sure she appreciated and benefited from your care and presence.

Take heart that you were able to say cheerio with your precious Pam in your arms. Of course it is early days and emotions will soon be all over the place before long. Take as long as you need to 'get back to normal' - especially with work as once you are back people soon forget you are still grieving and not perhaps functioning normally.

I join with many folks here in sending you my love and sympathies and continuing to assure you of my prayers. Plin

[nigelr2000]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, Pams demise has taught me to go for it while you still can so I fully intend to go touring in my moggys so you might see me you never know.

As a tribute I took this photo tonight http://365project.org/nigelr2000/365/2011-03-21
Still spinning but I have a target to aim at and will do it for her, during one of her lucid moments she told me not to waste my time greiving for her and to do whatever I wanted.